Daisy's Debut


  After 37 years, most of which I've only dreamed of soft silk, 
smooth satin and rustling petticoats, the opportunity has at last 
arisen to bring some of those dreams to fruition.  Only last Spring 
upon becoming "modemized" did I stumble upon Compuserve's 
"Genderline" and CB Channel 13.  Until that time I had been 
completely and tightly closetted.  Despite the fact that 
crossdressing or at least thoughts of it had dominated my sexuality 
since before puberty, only my wife of 11 years had any inkling of my 
desires.  Even she had to wait until a year after we were married 
before I shared even a part of my true nature.  At the time, 
although she appeared tolerant, I assumed she couldn't "enjoy" my 
transvestism so even after she went so far as to purchase severals 
lovely "gifts" for me, I kept my dreams and fantasies to myself.  
Whether it was fear or embarassment, to this day I don't know why I 
remained so defensive and thus refrained from any activity other 
than furtively collecting TV fiction whenever I got the chance.  
Little did I know all that was about to change.  After several weeks 
of "lurking" on Compuserve, afraid to even speak, I finally worked 
up the nerve, chose my new name, and made myself known to those who  
would soon become my friends and "sisters".  I was made immediately 
welcome and delighted in the openess and warmth of all who shared my 
up-till-then secret love of all things feminine.  I think "died and 
gone to heaven" is the appropriate phrase.

    Being the compulsive character I am, I made myself a home and 
spent hours making new friends and trying to learn as much as I 
could from the DL library and the experiences of others.  I enjoyed, 
at least vicariously, the many adventures of my sisters while 
dressed as I had longed to be for so many years.  In short order, 
one of my friends mentioned the possibility of meeting face-to-face 
as I had explained business sometimes took me thru her hometown.  I 
was both fascinated and fearful, but after a week of weighing the 
pro's and con's, I decided to do it.  Just before leaving on trip, 
another friend expressed the same interest.  Why not?  This would be 
a trip worth remembering.  Having been faithful to my spouse 
throughout our marriage (and heterosexual as far as I could tell)  
it was understood the meetings would be asexual.  It happened that 
the second friend would be the first for geographical reasons and so 
on a Sunday afternoon in May I found myself driving thru 
Pennsylvania heading towards a rendezvous I wouldn't have imagined 
only a few weeks earlier.  We had arranged to meet at a roadside 
restaurant near their mountain cottage.  I called as I approached   
the area and happily learned we would be joined by "her" wife and 
small son.

    Breaking all of this to my own wife was of particular interest 
at the time, so I was anxious for the input from a SO.  I arrived 
first, ordered a drink and waited for their arrival.  Having made 
the decision to meet in the first I had no fear, just a little 
apprehension, but even that disappeared immediately as they walked 
in and his wife gave me a big hugg.  The ice was broken and melted 
completely.  The situation was so incredibly natural I  found it 
hard to believe.  The conversation was non-stop and as open as the  
surroundings permitted.  Alice (he) and Beth (she, later aka Sunny)  
invited me back to their cottage on the mountainside so we could 
spend a couple more hours chatting and getting to know each other 
better.  it was wonderful.  Whether it was simply "I'm Ok; you're 
Ok" I drove off with such elation I was floating and eager to meet 
my other friend the day after next for breakfast.

    Jennifer had been the very first to reach out a hand my first 
night on Compuserve as Daisy and I had thought of her sort of as my 
"big sister".  Again, after but the briefest moment of apprehension, 
we both felt so comfortable as we sat and shared our experiences 
from childhood on.  The words copuldn't come out fast enough as we 
each fought to tell so much in so little time.  As on Sunday, I was 
invited home to continue the conversation in a more private 
atmosphere without the fear of being overheard by those at the next 
table (not that we didn't enjoy the humor of it all, fighting to 
keep from giggling as we shared our pasts amidst such a traditional 
setting.  Once there, I was in awe as she showed me her collection 
of photos, wigs, dresses, and gowns.  I knew at that moment, 
somehow, this would be a path I had to walk.  Perhaps it would not 
be for me in the end, but I was confident the exploration would have 
to be made.  I drove off filled with elation; I was not alone and 
the trip ahead was sure to be exciting.

    Over the next month of two, I continued to make innumerable 
friends with the help of my always present Laptop and Modem.  I met 
with Alice and Sunny again for lunch in the middle of another 
business trip and together with another online couple from the West 
Coast developed bonds of friendship that guaranteed freedom from the 
lonliness that had been with me so much of my life.  We had 
developed something of a "buddy system" depending on each other for 
support and direction.  I felt as close to the wives as I did with 
my sisters and they helped me immeasurably in improving the 
relationship I had with my own spouse.  I think at first my wife 
suspected that I should be committed until somehow I could be 
"cured" but gradually we came to understand each other and 
respective needs better.  In fact, in July, we both visited the 
mountain cottage and shared the weekend with our new friends.

    About that time, we all began to feel somewhat stagnant.  We 
knew the expense of active Compuserve participation had to be faced 
and we all realized there was so much growth yet to come.  One 
evening online, I learned of Renaissance, a TV/TS support group 
based outside Philadelphia.

    The subject of similar groups had come up several times in 
discussions online, but for me, I felt I had my own little group and 
was unsure what if anything such a group could offer.  It was 
however, time for another step in my journey.  I didn't know what 
that should be, but this was an option that was certainly of 
interest.  I had never met another TV "dressed" although I had seen 
countless photos over the years.  While it would be a trip for me, 
Alice lived nearby and we decide we'ld both go to investigate 
further.  We understood most of the "girls" would be suitably 
attired, but neither of us felt ready for that step just yet.  Then, 
the beauty that she is, Alice had a change of heart.  I still wasn't 
ready so I guess I'ld just have to go as her escort.  We arranged to 
meet at a hotel near the meeting sight, where Sunny would help Alice 
prepare.  As in all our previous meetings, it was great.  Meeting 
"Alice" for the first was wonderful; Sunny wished us well and off we 
drove.  Was all this really happening I thought.  We were both 
quickly made to feel at home, Alice in her "career woman" suit, and 
me in a coat and tie.  The diversity of my new community was of 
great interest and I knew I would be back again.
    Only one small problem - even though the other members would 
have made me feel welcome regardless, I would have felt 
uncomfortable attending future meetings dressed as I was.  Here was 
my opportunity, my path towards discovering more of my own self.  I 
decided I would go again and next time in the dress I had only 
dreamed of for so many years.

    This was going to be a challenge.  Other than "sharing" my 
wife's lingerie from time to time, I had little experience and 
certainly no wardrobe.  The next meeting wasn't until late in 
September but that was so little time for what I had to do.  I 
decided I couldn't prepare for this and continue to spend the many 
hours on Compuserve I had most every night.  And with my 
self-control (or lack of it) being what it is, I knew there was only 
one choice for me.  I had to pull the plug completely, at least 
temporarily.

    So, in early August I said my goodbyes painfully, set the date 
for my disconnection from so many of my onlie friends, and yanked 
it.  (ooo, that hurt)  Even more importantly, despite my intentions, 
some of my activities were causing a gap in my relationship at 
home.  instead of bringing us closer, the time spent at the keyboard 
was causing a strain.  If I were to succeed, I would need my wife's 
help and without her understanding and support, I would have gone 
back to my earlier ways I suspect, i.e. trapped in fantasyland 
forever.  Thankfully, I married quite a remarkable girl; she's been 
of incredible help.  She's accompanied me shopping for shoes, 
makeup, my first ever dress, etc.  The time away from the keyboard I 
used to experiment with cosmetics, go thru half her closet, as well 
as wander the malls and thrift shops.  Then of course, the 
unexpected!  I learned of Joann Roberts and the Weekend in the 
Pocono's.  Alice and Sunny decided to go; Jennifer decided to go; 
even Michele and his wife from Austin who I had wanted to meet would 
be there.  How could I pass this up?  It was to be a four day event 
scheduled the week preceding my intended deadline.  While it was 
impossible to break away for the four days, perhaps if I could just 
make it up on Saturday to see so many of my friends together.  I 
checked with Joann to Ok my visit with her and moved my deadline 
up.  I still had no wig and so little practice.  I called the 
company from which I had ordered two wigs and discovered neither 
would make it to me in time.  Not to worry - Jenn (a wig fancier 
from way back) volunteered to bring a spare or two (or three or 
four).  The schedule announced that Saturday would be a makeup 
seminar and then makeovers (a lifelong dream).  Checking my post 
office box a few days before the event, I found a package from Alice 
and Sunny - copies of the "Color Me Beautiful" books.  I knew that 
with the help of my friends, everything would work out fine.

    So, here it is the night before.  There's no fear, no 
apprehension, just excitement.  The bag is packed.  My only dress, 
three blouses, two skirts, low heels, high heels, the loveliest 
ivory lingerie, scads of makeup, and my camera.  I've been dreaming 
of this day all my life.

    After finally falling asleep at 1am, I was up and ready to go 
by 5 Saturday morning.  The drive to the Pocono's would take 4-5 
hours so I wanted an early start.  Alice and Sunny, Michele and his 
wife, and Jennifer had been there since Thursday and I was dying to 
join them as soon as I could.  Alice had already prearranged a 
"makeover" for me with the professional makeup artists for later 
that afternoon, but both she and Jennifer wanted a crack at my face 
as well.  The drive went by quickly; partly in that my brain was 
racing the whole time, partly in that the engine was also racing 
with my foot planted heavily on the gas.  I pulled into the resort 
shortly after nine and joined everyone in the dining area for 
morning coffee and donuts. There had been a costume party the night 
before and it had obviously taken its toll.  Many of the revellers 
still had heavy traces of mascara and liner highlighting their 
bloodshot eyes.  After getting the lay of the place, I joined Alice 
in their room for my first lesson.   She had been experimenting 
with surgical tape facelifts recently, so my face was soon pulled 
and stretched into a more wrinklefree canvas.  I had spent the last 
month in front of my own mirror playing with eyeshadow, powder and 
blusher, etc., but Alice quickly showed me the much greater 
attention I would have to pay to detail.  She introduced me to 
"Dermablend", a foundation to cover the beardline and then 
continued on with blusher, shadow, liner, mascara, and lipstick.  
She would do her own face as I watched intently and then supervise 
as I tried it myself.  This first attempt with "coaching" was so 
much better already than any I had done alone.  Jennifer finally 
showed up, jokingly miffed that she hadn't gotten to me first.  She 
brought along the promised wig (shoulder length blond) although it 
was still damp from an earlier washing.  We hung it on the air-  
conditioning unit to let it dry as Alice finished with my face and 
I happily donned my lingerie.  Matching ivory slip and panties, 
pantyhose, waist cincher, longline bra and inexpensive foam 
inserts.  The wig still wasn't quite ready but time was running out 
for us to get to the scheduled makeup seminar.  Jennifer fixed it 
as best she could while I finished dressing in my black skirt, red 
blouse, and low black patent heels.  The seminar itself was great.  
Donna and Eric, who run a Philadelphia studio open to TV clients, 
gave a full demonstation showing the effects of facial contouring 
and proper application.  My own makeover was the first one on their 
schedule following the demonstration so I had to run back to the 
room and quickly strip off the makeup we had so carefully put on an 
hour earlier.  Eric, who had a background in stage as well as TV 
makeup did me.  The feeling I had as I sat quietly, my back to the 
mirror, was incredible.  His staff took delight upon learning that 
this was my first- ever experience "dressed" and oohed and aahed as 
Eric did his work.  Donna, the hair specialist, suggested a 
different wig color, and Jennifer quickly returned with just the 
thing from her collection.  This was a darker blond with almost 
salt and pepper highlights.  Eric quickly pinned it to my scalp    
and began to style it ("I love volume" he said as I still sat 
without my first look in the mirror).  Alice, Sunny, Jennifer, and 
a small crowd stood by beaming at what was being done.  Finally 
Eric was finished and I rushed over for my first look.  My heart 
was bursting.  While preparing over the previous weeks, I was 
fearful that my effort would be a poor one; I wanted to be the girl 
of my dreams, not a "man in drag".  The transformation was 
amazing.  My eyes were beautiful; the hair was exquisite; the whole 
effect was beyond my wildest hopes.  The camera was found and Alice 
took a variety of shots for my scrapbook-to-be.  After "supervising" 
Alice's wife Sunny's makeover we went back to the room for more 
fun.  I tried on every piece of my wardrobe as well as half of 
their's as they gave their suggestions and opinions.  I was in 
seventh heaven; my mind had turned to mush as I rushed from one 
outfit to the next.  Unfortunately, it had been raining much of the 
day, so when we finally went to the dining hall for dinner, out came 
the umbrellas and we gingerly sidestepped the puddles in our heels.  
I had worn my low heels much of the day and I was thrilled to find 
they gave me no problem, in fact, I found them to be more 
comfortable than many of my male shoes.  The test would come that 
evening.  Alice loaned me a red knit dress accented with a wide 
black belt and scarf for dinner.  The waist cincher was also a 
success.  I had never worn it for very long and had been concerned 
over its longterm comfort.  It turned out that was no problem at all 
and it did give me a nice nipped-in figure.  The wide belt 
highlighted my waistline even further.  After the communal dinner, 
everyone went back to find their finest outfits for the "Princess 
Ball" later that evening.

    Over the course of the day I had worn my three blouses (all of
which looked great with the basic black skirt and heels), but my 
one-and-only dress was more for daywear.  Again, my frriends bailed 
me out.  Luckily, my height (5-6") is an advantage, and Sunny 
offered me one of her's.  After refreshing my makeup, I slipped into 
her blue silk print, gold necklace, and heavy gold earrings.  I 
hadn't stopped soaring since my arrival.  Each costume change served 
to reinforce the happiness I felt at finally dressing as I had 
dreamed since childhood.  The touch of the wig at the nape of my 
neck; the tug of the earrings; the tightness of my calf muscles; the 
silky friction between my stocking, slip, and dress, all brought 
chills down my back.  To complete the outfit, I changed from my low 
pumps into 4" open-toed black sandals.  They, of course, required 
that I paint my toenails (another first).  At last, we were all 
ready and off we went again.  Joann Roberts, the sponser of the 
event had scheduled a talent show with other girls from the 
Renaissance group as participants.  This was to follow the  
"Princess Promenade" where each girl in attendance would 
individually be escorted to the stage.  Voting would take place in 
several categories; Miss Congeniality, Miss Ingenue, Miss "Gams", 
and of course, the "Princess" of the weekend.  Everyone was 
stunning.  The care that was taken in gowns, makeup, and hairstyles 
was amazing.  To the surprise of few, Michele, my Compuserve friend 
who had come all the way from Texas, took the main title.  Michele 
has to be seen to be believed (a size 7! and what a walk). The 
talent show was equally outstanding.  Morgan, Kelly, Madame X and 
others from the group did fantastic renditions of Ann-Margaret, 
Dolly Parton, and Bette Middler, etc.  These girls were GOOD!  The 
long hours were finally beginning to catch up however.  A little 
after 2am, I had to call it quits.  Even that was great.  Sunny 
laughed the next morning when I labeled it "breaking down".  To 
remove my slipover dress, I had to remove the wig; to remove the 
bobbypins, I had to first remove the my long "press-on" nails.  It 
was wonderful.  All this done, I zonked out immediately, sorry that 
this day had to end.